The Dingo 69: #24 - #13

I'm excited. Are you excited? I'm excited. 

24. Al Horford, PF/C, Atlanta Hawks

BIG AL. AL BORLAND. AL ROKER. MICH-AL KEATON. AL CAPONE. THE BIG FELLA. SCARFACE. SNORKY. SNORKY. Can we just go with Snorky as our nickname for Al Horford this year? Okay cool. He’s back! He’s still a little banged-up, but as we discussed a thousand years ago in this season preview, sometimes a banged-up banger is just the kind of banger you want. The HEART. The SPIRIT. The SHITTY SHOULDER DON’T FOCUS ON THAT GET YOUR MIND BACK ON THE HEART. THE SPIRIT.

23. Derrick Rose, PG, Chicago Bulls

Oh my me, now I don’t want to be the one to tell you guys, but knees make up a crucial part of any body, let alone a body required to jump for a living, over, and over, and over, and over again. Anyhoo! I love this guy, love his drive, love the Bulls, love his new hairdo. Love it all. Just worried about his knee! That’s the sort of expert insight you were looking for, correct?

22. Eric Bledsoe, PG/SG, Phoenix Suns

I call this guy Mr. Rockstar, after that Rockstar Energy drink. He’s got so much pep! It’s like drinking somethin’ fizzy! And he’s a little fella too, which I love. Got paid during the offseason, has a slightly dodgy injury, and the point guard threeway situation in Phoenix has gotta be slightly concerning to fantasy owners. But out of all three guards, I have the most faith in this guy. A rock.  

21. Kyrie Irving, PG, Cleveland Cavaliers

This is the SEASON OF NO EXCUSES for Kyrie, the should-be Boomer from MELBOURNE (pronounced Mel-Bawn), Victoria, DOWN UNDER. I’m hearing a lot of rumblings out of certain fantasy camps who are concerned about Irving’s production alongside a small forward who loves to bring the ball up. Poppycock! Irving should have the best season of his career as the now-third-option in Cleveland. Expect great things. Be disappointed if he doesn’t deliver.

20. Chris Bosh, PF/C, Miami Heat

Finally, finally, Miami is TRULY Bosh’s Pit. The moment Chris has been waiting for since the second his toes his the sandy shores at South Beach. The Pit can finally go back to doing what he loves most: shooting like there is no tomorrow. Does the pressure get to the guy, or does he relish being the #1? He relishes it: a huge fantasy season ahead for Bosh.

19. Nerlens Noel, PF/C, Philadelphia 76ers

WHAT IS THIS GUY DOING HERE? I’ll tell ya. Noel showed me a LOT when I conducted a deep Summer League Scouting Mission earlier in the season (big shoutout to the guys at the Golden Corral—great rooms, better odds). He’s showed me even more late in the preseason, just stuffing the stat sheet on the shittiest team in the league by far. I’ve got him ranked in the high teens, but don’t be surprised if Noel sneaks into the top 10 this year, if things are as bad as we all expect in Philly.

18. Kyle Lowry, PG, Toronto Raptors

You’re going to get consistency out of Lowry this year. He’ll be on double-double watch most nights, but I wouldn’t be expecting too many breakouts—the guy struggles with his shooting sometimes, and it’s a lot to expect another bump from his increased production last year. Still, he’s in the upper echelon of a crammed group of guys you can having running your fantasy floor.

17. Joakim Noah, PF/C, Chicago Bulls

Has the potential to be a top 2 banger this year. There, I SAID it. Nobody pulls down a rebound like The Joker: and now, with his newfound love for dimes, and the pressure valve release of no longer being the Bulls’ Instant Offense, The Joker can be expected to shine on like a crazy diamond this season.

16. Lamarcus Aldridge, PF/C, Portland Trailblazers

GD these Trailblazers have been quiet this offseason! While the rest of the league played footsies with one another (with the odd coupling and exchange of bodily fluid here and there), Portland has just gone about its business of retaining and training their elite unit of bangers, led by this guy. He’s in a contract year, too, so get ready for some explosive numbers.

15. James Harden, SG/SF, Houston Rockets

Little known fact: my first ever shirsey was a James Harden OKC shirsey, purchased on the eve of their finals campaign against the Heat. My first night of wearing it came in that game where the Heat blew out the Thunder in the first quarter, leading about 69-3 after ten minutes. I knew right then and there that this shirsey was cursed, but little did I know it would force the Thunder to trade Harden for no assets to a team which I have ranked as the Most Boring Team to Watch in the GD League. Still, he’s gonna get you a lot of points a lot of nights with his 4,000 three-point shots. Sigh. Let’s move on.  

14. John Wall, PG, Washington Wizards

WALL STREET AND BEALE STREET RUN THIS TOWN SOUTH TO NORTH. AND IF YOU WANT TO GET TO HEAVEN, YOU NEED TO TAKE ONE OF THOSE TWO STREETS, CROSS THROUGH THE POLISH SECTION, GRAB A BRAZILIAN KEBAB AND TAKE A RIGHT WHEN YOU SEE KEVIN SERAPHIN'S LEFT BOOT. I tried all season long last year to trade for this fella—a real energy guy, great in transition, loves to push his teammates (like The Hammer) above and beyond what they’re otherwise capable of doing. Excited by what Washington could be building this year.

13. Serge Ibaka, PF/C, Oklahoma City Thunder

The defensive giant puts up huge numbers largely because he plays next to Perk, who puts up no numbers at all (how does Kendrick still have a job? Anyone?). Another guy with the potential to Make The Leap this year with the absence of Durant (Russell the Oklahoma Hustle can’t score ‘em all, despite what he thinks). Could be ranked a little high here, but you know my love for all things Spanish (paella!).